now i sit on our shower floor
the water is so hot i cannot breathe.
i cannot tell if the water is dripping down my face or if it is my own tears, maybe both.
i scream about how i cannot handle this world
i hold my face as i realize how bad i am getting
i think about how Rupi shares how woman are powerful and can overcome anything, about how Neil welcomes his depression as a friend because it is simply apart of him, but when i write i share my loneliness.
i am nothing more than loneliness.
it has consumed every part of me.
this is not a suicide note
this is not a cry for help
this is simply a letter to the universe, to say i am not okay
to press pause on my life so i can catch up
they say being a writer is painful
but for once i would love to not ruin everything i touch
it makes my writing worth reading, but it tears me down each time
another poem, another person ruined, another shower full of tears