now I sit on our shower floor
the water is so hot I cannot breathe.
I cannot tell if the water is dripping down my face or if it is my own tears, maybe both.
I scream about how I cannot handle this world
I hold my face as I realize how bad I am getting
I think about how Rupi shares how woman are powerful and can overcome anything, about how Neil welcomes his depression as a friend because it is simply apart of him, but when I write I share my loneliness.
I am nothing more than loneliness.
it has consumed every part of me.
this is not a suicide note
this is not a cry for help
this is simply a letter to the universe, to say I am not okay
to press pause on my life so I can catch up
they say being a writer is painful
but for once I would love to not ruin everything I touch
it makes my writing worth reading, but it tears me down each time
another poem, another person ruined, another shower full of tears